How to Run a Successful Scare Campaign

It has been well observed that Toowoomba’s (failed) poll will provide many lessons for future planned potable water recycling schemes in Australia. There will be lessons to learn for both pro- and anti- recycling campaigners. I fully intend to investigate the lessons to be learned by both sides.

First up, I hereby offer this handy guide to running future successful scare campaigns. I expect to see it well utilised in other major cities in the coming months.

1. Exploit the “Yuck Factor” for all its worth

You will go into this campaign with a great natural head-start. All humans have a negative instinctive and emotional response to the concept of water being used in close human contact more than once. Unless people have had a good reason to carefully consider the issue and the capabilities of modern water treatment technology, emotional responses will prevail. This will come naturally for most people, but you can encourage this natural “yuck factor” by drawing on all opportunities to link recycled water with human excrement.

2. Agree on a catchy slogan

A catchy slogan is worth more than any fact. You don’t have to think too hard about this one since you can always recycle slogans from overseas. ‘Toilet-to-Tap’ is a tried and tested standard and should not be overlooked. ‘WEEcycled POOrified Sewage Water’ is perhaps less sophisticated, but can be effective for the right demographic and may appeal to children under the age of nine. If you can work terms relating to human excrement into the name of your town or city, then you are truly on a winner.

3. Remember, it’s not ‘water’, it’s ‘sewage’ (or sewerage)

Smarmy scientists and politicians may claim that water should be judged by its quality, rather than its history. You should seek to remind them of the well known scientific adage: ‘once sewage, always sewage’. It doesn’t matter how much water (sewage) is purified, it has a tainted past from which it can never be redeemed. Homeopathy is a well-established science in our community and this fact can be conveniently exploited. It means that many people will understand that water has a ‘molecular memory’ and will forever be tarnished by that with which it has previously been in contact.

People who use the term ‘water’ rather than ‘sewage’ are simply trying to sanitise the issue and these propaganda merchants should be quickly exposed.

4. Use suggestive images

A picture is worth a thousand clichés. Invest about 10 seconds on Google Images to find a few good shots of sewage being treated by conventional treatment processes. Useful keywords to try are ‘activated sludge’ or just simply ‘sludge’. Present your images with a caption like “Is This Our Future Water Source?”

An image of a dog drinking from a toilet bowl, or a glass of water placed in the general vicinity of toilet, is worth two thousand clichés. A graphic suggesting a direct connection between a toilet and a bathroom tap is worth three thousand. A pseudo-medical image of a foetus inside a womb is priceless.



5. Refuse to be a lab rat

Insist that your community should not be the ‘lab rats’ for the rest of the country (‘guinea pigs’ is a possible alternative, but may be too cute).

No two towns or cities are identical and this means that no two water management schemes will be identical. Obviously, if no existing scheme is identical to the one planned for your town, then you are being asked to be the subject of a radical and dangerous experiment.

Differences to look for include the precise treatment process (it doesn’t matter if yours is more comprehensive), precise proportions of ‘sewage water’ to be mixed with ‘pristine natural water’, and whether a scheme is generally considered to be ‘planned’ or ‘unplanned’ (remember that ‘unplanned’ is usually safer). If all of these fail (which is highly unlikely), demand details of the likely colour schemes for the plant office.

6. Defend children and future generations

Are children and future generations being consulted? If not, why not? It is your responsibility to assume the role of defender of those ‘without a voice’. Who knows what effects purified water may have on the fragile immune systems of children and unborn foetuses? Tell those monsters and their cronies that they have no right to harm your family!!! How dare these evil-doers even consider harming children!?

7. Be prepared to misrepresent science

It is perfectly honest, ethical and acceptable to intentionally misrepresent science when there is ‘a greater good’ at stake. Effective strategies include quoting facts out of context and careful juxtaposition to suggest a relationship between unrelated facts.

It is well established that raw sewage contains all sorts of nasty chemicals and microbial organisms. Furthermore, conventionally treated sewage processes are not 100 per cent effective at removing trace concentrations of all chemicals. People who drink poorly treated sewage get sick and some die!! This fact can be used to provide conclusive evidence that any recycled water is a deadly cocktail.

Even reports that claim to provide evidence that recycled water can be just as safe as any other source can be misrepresented by careful selection of key quotes. If all else fails, you can always claim that the authors (and peer-reviewers) have misinterpreted the results. “Flawed” is a useful and flexible term that can be applied to prove that you speak the ‘scientific language’ and are therefore a credible authority on any subject.

Remember that if someone else has already expressed an anti-recycling opinion on the internet, then it is thus proved to be indisputably true. Such opinions can be extrapolated to any potential scheme regardless of trivial details such as the treatment processes involved. Pioneers from previous campaigns in California will provide rich pickings. Google is a loyal friend.

8. Point out that you can run but you can’t hide

Buying bottled water will not save people from the peril of recycled water. People will still be exposed in baths and showers. Remember that the skin is porus and all chemicals will be quickly absorbed into the body. All food that is prepared in your city will be highly contaminated with recycled water. This will cause local food-producing industries to be bankrupted with devastating flow-on effects to the local economy. A quiet cup of coffee in town will be rendered an adrenaline-inducing deadly game of Russian roulette.

9. Exploit the broad use of the term “recycled water”

Precedents exist on the internet referring to all sorts of waters as ‘recycled water’. If secondary treated sewage is used to irrigate a timber plantation, then that is ‘recycled water’. A few schemes distribute lower-quality water to houses by ‘purple pipe dual reticulation’ systems. Utilities involved in managing this water publish information regarding how the recycled water should be used. This can be a useful source for quotes such as: “Recycled water is suitable for watering gardens and flushing toilets, but should never be used for drinking, washing or filling swimming pools”. The mere existence of such information provides irrefutable evidence that anybody that suggests drinking recycled water, from any source, has a sinister ulterior motive.

10. Demand that every possible chemical must be monitored

Pick a large number, double it and quote it as the number of chemicals in existence. The number can be preceded with a ‘greater than’ sign or simply stick a ‘plus’ sign on the end. A figure like 87,000 is more convincing than a round number like 100,000 (which is clearly just an estimation). Ask the water testing authority whether they plan to regularly monitor for every single one. If the laboratory manager is unable to even name every one of these chemicals, this is an obvious blow to their credibility and should be exposed.

Ignore the fact that the vast majority of chemicals come from nature. Focus on words like ‘hormones’, ‘endocrine disrupters’, ‘pharmaceuticals’, ‘illicit drugs’, ‘phthalates’, ‘RU486 abortion pills’, ‘emerging contaminants’, ‘prions’ and ‘carcinogens’. Point out that new drugs are being developed all the time and we don’t even have analytical methods for them yet!!!! (multiple exclamation marks reinforce the scientific validity of any statement. CAPITAL LETTERS HAVE A SIMILAR SIGNIFICANCE!!!!).

Read the book “Our Stolen Future”. It doesn’t mention water recycling, but all facts and theories described in this book were written with planned potable water recycling in mind (read between the lines, dummy!). Those alligators were foolish to unquestioningly accept an advanced recycled water supply from the state of Florida (contamination of the swamp by a DDT spill is a red herring invented by pro-water recycling devil worshipers).


I trust that this handy guide will be useful for budding campaigners. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy the assured media exposure. Once the campaign is over you can settle back to the important task of revealing the lies of climate change.

Note: This post is intended to be satirical. However, yes, it is a venting of some frustration. While Toowoomba has certainly seen the type of scare campaign suggested in this post, I do acknowledge that there were other important (legitimate) issues to be considered as well. Readers are welcome to offer alternative lessons (to both sides), seriously.